Throughout my life, when I’ve been stressed, overwhelmed, or just felt a build-up of emotions coming to a head, I often turn to my mom to talk it out and rant. “Sometimes you just need a good cry,” she says — never to discount the issues at hand but to remind me that crying is an effective way to feel my feelings and move forward.
“Crying is an effective way to feel my feelings and move forward.”
She’s said this as long as I can remember, and I’ve found the phrase to be true in my life. When I’m feeling my emotions boil up, a good cry is usually just what I need. But, why? I set out to find an explanation for this maternal advice.
What defines a good cry?
A good cry, or emotional crying, is a uniquely human behavior. From birth, we cry as a way of communicating our needs. “Crying for babies is both self-soothing and it’s also a communicator to the people around them that there’s a need that’s not being met,” says Naomi Levine, a licensed marriage and family therapist in the D.C. and Maryland area who works with both individuals and couples. “There’s a role for tears. But our idea of crying changes over time.”
“There’s a role for tears. But our idea of crying changes over time.”
– Naomi Levine
How acceptable it is to cry for men and women is significantly different. According to the American Psychological Association, women cry emotional tears 30 to 64 times a year, compared to the 5 to 17 times that men cry per year. “There’s definitely a socialization piece to it, of what we learn about crying and what it means to cry,” Levine says.
According to a review published in the National Library of Medicine, we typically cry emotional tears during the most important events of our lives — both positive and negative. But we also often cry in relatively mundane situations, like when we experience conflict, frustration, or even while watching an emotional movie.
And, of course, there’s cathartic crying, where you feel a build-up and need to let it out. A good cry can be a way of your body completing the stress cycle, Levine says. “In moments of distress, there are lots of ways to regulate, to ground ourselves again, and I think crying is just one of them,” she says.
“A good cry can be a way of your body completing the stress cycle.”
But it’s also important to distinguish when crying is a sign of a larger problem and when you should consider seeking help from a medical professional.
“The main difference between those two are, with cathartic crying, you’re kind of getting it out, you’re getting that release, you’re feeling better afterwards, you’re releasing oxytocin,” says Dr. Sarah Bonza, M.D., physician for 20 years and founder of Bonza Health. “A more disordered type of crying, which could be indicative of a need to seek mental health, is that kind of random crying seemingly for no reason, just bursting out into tears.”
So what exactly happens to us when we cry? Why does it make us feel better, and why is it good for us? Let’s explore the physiological benefits of emotional crying.
Crying releases feel-good chemicals
Emotional crying releases oxytocin and endorphins. Oxytocin is often called the love hormone. Besides crying, it’s the hormone that bonds a mother and a baby after birth, and it’s released after orgasm — in both cases promoting positive feelings and bonding. Endorphins are also feel-good hormones that are like natural painkillers, easing both emotional and physical pain.
“Emotional crying releases oxytocin and endorphins.”
“In releasing those chemicals our body is trying to re-regulate,” says Levine. “It can feel really good. It can feel really healing. I had a colleague who used to say that tears are our hurts being released from the body.”
And the environment around you when you have a good cry is important, Dr. Bonza says. “If you’re crying in a cathartic manner, where you’re in this release of emotion … that’s the beneficial type of crying” she says. “And even more, so if you have supportive people around you, that contributes to that oxytocin release and that bonding of friends or family.”
Crying calms the nervous system and helps detox
Crying also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls the body’s ability to relax. It is part of the autonomic nervous system, the part of your nervous system that you don’t have to think about to control. It activates a state of “rest and digest” in your body and helps you calm down. “It can decrease blood pressure. It’s also good for cardiovascular health, and it can promote your immune system,” says Dr. Bonza.
“All tears are made of electrolytes, enzymes, lipids, and metabolites, but early studies have shown that emotional tears also have higher levels of proteins and hormones.”
All tears are made of electrolytes, enzymes, lipids, and metabolites, but early studies have shown that emotional tears also have higher levels of proteins and hormones, including the mineral manganese. This early research has hypothesized that this chemical release may help regulate the body and bring it back to homeostasis. “The hypothesis is that those proteins that you’re releasing are part of that detoxification process, but they do have trouble replicating that in a lab,” Dr. Bonza says.
While crying has these benefits that can be useful in our own regulation and self-soothing, it’s not always for everyone. “It exists along a spectrum, that for some people crying is a more helpful, more accessible tool than others,” says Levine. “And that’s like anything. For some people deep breathing is going to be a more accessible, more useful tool than for other people. It’s certainly not a one size fits all thing.”
But, if you do find yourself to be someone who cries as a way to self-regulate and self-soothe, it’s an effective way to do so. “[Crying] is a sign of really being in tune and in touch with yourself in the environment around you,” says Dr. Bonza.
So next time you find yourself having a good cry, know you’re not alone. Your body might simply be trying to help you feel better and calmer in an effort to move through your emotions.
Do you embrace the act of a good cry? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments.
Brianna Schubert is a writer and editor living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. When she’s not writing about books, lifestyle, and culture, you can find her cooking up a new recipe, reading and recommending books, or finding hidden gems at vintage and thrift stores. Say hi on Instagram!
